Mia's Fall Break Travel Guide

All my papers have been finished and printed, all my classes attended and all my things packed.

It is time for Fall Break in the Netherlands!! (that is, once Morgan gets out of class...)

I could think of a topic to write about and leave you with as I head off on my travels (which will surely result in some wonderful blog posts) but instead I have chosen to share with you a lovely, and relavent, article that I wrote for the just published Fall Break edition of the Skint, the magazine put out almost monthly by the ICLC. 

So... you know... enjoy!!! (and be careful out there)

Mia’s Fall Break Travel Guide

Disclaimer: If the country of your origin has been insulted, sorry? And if you feel I was too mean to Norway, it’s okay; I’m so Norwegian one of my middle names is Fjerkenstad.

Let’s talk travel folks.

You’re all about to venture into the big wide world that is Europe for a week, and whether you realize it or not, that’s a very scary thing. Sure, you may have gone to Mexico and Canada for spring break, spent a year studying a broad in France during high school, maybe you just spent a week in Dublin, and gosh you are spending 4 months living in London, land of pick-pockets and that awful awful thief Charles Dickens, but trust me, it’s not the same.

You’re about to go to uncharted, dark and scary lands like Italy, where there’s never enough sauce on your pizza. Or Germany, where women named Olga will kill you with their giant breasts. Maybe you’re going to Iceland, and you’re thinking, “I’ll be fine, that unpronounceable volcano already exploded, and Bjork lives in American most of the time.” But what you don’t know is that if you can’t pronounce their language, they’ll make those hot springs just a little too hot. And Holland is the land of tulips, clogs and Amsterdam right? Maybe, but it’s also the land of thieves who steal not only your bike, but also your soul, and throw both into the canal. What about Spain, where you never really know if you’re eating bull testicles, baby squid, or maybe just chorizo? And don’t even get me started about Scandinavia… Swedes will make you cry, Danes will throw skulls at you, Finns never stop playing heavy metal, and, oh man, Norwegians… those guys are just the worst. Just imagine being forced to eat lutefisk while watching the complete works of Ibsen, in the original language, in a town where the sun never rises. And that’ll be the good half of your week.

Now that you know the truth and have changed all your travel arrangements, what are your options back in the UK? There aren’t many. Northern Ireland just has potatoes, Wales just has sheep, and Scots are so scary even Nessie left. What about visiting various places in England Mia, you’re asking. Well, I suppose that’s an option, but if you go too far North you won’t understand them, and they won’t understand you. Too far South and you’ll just fall off the Cliffs of Dover. West, and really, you’ll just end up in Wales, and we’ve covered that. And East just is not an option, so don’t even ask.

Right about now you’re probably thinking to yourselves, “Gosh, I should have never come to this terrible side of the ocean, why can’t I just go back to pretty, peaceful Ithaca?” But seeing as you can’t go back there just yet, I’ll let you in on a little secret that may make you feel better. See, Ithaca isn’t safe either, because in Ithaca there’s a large purple radioactive duck-billed platypus named Graper who lives in lake Cayuga and the moment you feel safe and cozy back in Ithaca, Graper will strike.

After all this, what’s my advice? Go to Switzerland, they have chocolate, are always neutral, and really the Swiss never do anything mean, if they even feel a mean urge, they move to Germany and change their names to Olga. So come on guys, let’s pack up our bags, hop on a plane, go to Switzerland and eat chocolate till we burst. Best ICLC fall break ever!